by SarahJanet | 09.30.2002

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Laurie. She was the fairest in all the land. While most princesses had long flowing hair, Princess Laurie was far too smart for that. She knew that long hair just got tangly and in the way, and preferred instead an extremely sexy short 'do, which was both flattering and practical, leaving her free to kick ass all over the place without having to worry about her hair getting in the way. As a result, she was the ass-kickingest princess in the whole wide world. She didn't ever bother with knights in shining armour; instead, she preferred to save herself on the rare occasion that she got herself into a little bit of a pickle.

Princess Laurie lived in a beautiful castle in Texas, where she ruled over all of the cacti and cowboys. She was a kind ruler, but if someone pissed her off, she never hesitated to send out General Chickie and the ass-kicking army, full of Laurie's subjects who never hesitated to whoop ass on behalf of the benevolent royal. Her army was immensely loyal, and when they were not out on duty, they were often found showering Princess Laurie with love and adoration, as befits such a noble ruler. Their shiny ass-kicking boots were famous the world over for their immense power, and foes trembled at the sight of these boots and their immense power. Nobody messed with the ass-kicking army, and Princess Laurie liked it that way.

Princess Laurie also had quite a remarkable squad of personal cheerleaders. While this might seem an odd choice for a Princess, one should not underestimate the power of having people tell one how fabulous one is until one has tried it. The Princess Laurie cheerleaders were led by smunch, the cheeriest cheerleader that ever was. Each day, the Princess Laurie cheerleaders would meet to practice, impressing the nation with their complicated pyramids and enthusiastic cheers.

Wherever you found Princess Laurie, it was safe bet that her personal advisor, rodotmoe, wouldn't be far behind. Always there with a hug, a smile, and a bottle of water, rodotmoe was wise and kind, just the help Princess Laurie would need after a long day of governing her people. rodotmoe seemed to know just when Princess Laurie needed cheering up, and was unfailing in her support and love for Princess Laurie. Even more so that her personal advisor, rodotmoe was Princess Laurie's friend, and one of her fiercest supporters. Conveniently, ro's husband was also a member of Princess Laurie's staff, serving as the official court animal keeper to keep the numerous dogs and birds in line.

What royal court would be complete without a royal jester? Princess Laurie's castle was often filled with laughter thanks to Stef, the jester. Quick with the quips and full of endless sarcasm, Princess Laurie could often be found rolling on the floor laughing thanks to Stef's endless supply of comedy. Along with her jester's assistant, Leah, Stef the Jester brought mirth and joy to the castle, as well as adding to the already hefty supply of love for Princess Laurie.

And of course, wherever there is a princess, there is a princess's mother. Acting as Princess Laurie's press secretary whenever Princess Laurie was indisposed herself, Mother Mary was beloved by all of the people. As kind as Princess Laurie herself, Mother Mary was not often found in the public eye, but whenever she made her all too rare appearances, she was met with love and adoration. She, in turn, loved Princess Laurie so very much, and was the best mother any Princess could ever wish for. Along with Princess Laurie's fabulous brother Chris, they rounded out the royal family.

Speaking of Chris, he served as Princess Laurie's personal chauffeur, errand-runner, and generally extremely helpful person. Never one to lose his sense of humour, Chris was always able to keep Princess Laurie's spirits up if they ever got down, and Princess Laurie absolutely adored her brother for it. Although Princess Laurie's adoring public virtually never saw him, her stories of him made the denizens of LaurieLand feel as if they knew him.

As every good princess should, Laurie had a dashing pool boy named Stijn. He was quite the hottie, always willing to run errands for Laurie and prance around in a towel for her viewing pleasure. His Dutch accent was also an added bonus, and Laurie made no secret of the fact that she had quite the crush on this hot young drummer.

Whenever life starts to get her down, Laurie knows she can count on her Royal Storyteller, Punk Walrus, whose tales of escapades and adventures are unmatched by any other in the kingdom. You can always count on Punkie for a stitch in your side from laughing so hard, and Laurie was extremely grateful for his hilarity.

When not being amused by the Royal Storyteller or the Royal Jester, Laurie turned to her official Royal Punster for some good times. Along with his trusty sidekick Finnegan, CanDragon was the greatest punster that ever was, causing the entire kingdom to groan louder than anyone had ever groaned on a regular basis. He was famous for his terrible sense of humour, and his awful jokes were attributed to the fact that he's a wacky Canadian. Never can trust those Canucks. Whenever the Royal Jester and the Royal Punster got into the same room, Princess Laurie and her subjects knew to duck and cover, for the cheesiness of their combined jokes was a dangerous thing.

Princess Laurie knew that when things got tough, a pick me up was nearby in ElleBee. The delectable ElleBee served as Laurie's personal fun co-ordinator, and she was never short on fabulous ideas that were sure to make Laurie's day. ElleBee knew the power that a simple e-card could have, and her efforts to co-ordinate the Cheer Up Laurie brigade were truly a sight to behold. While the individual members of the Cheer Up Laurie brigade were hardworking, their efforts would have been in vain were it not for the tireless work of ElleBee.

ElleBee, as such an important person, naturally has some underlings to perform her bidding. Each month, along with LisaNH, Elle designates a personal fun maker for Princess Laurie, one who will try to make her month that much more fun and adventurous. This is no small task, and when SarahJanet was handed this for September, she was apprehensive about whether she was up to it.

Fortunately, the other denizens of Laurieland were incredibly generous with their time and ideas, and SarahJanet was lucky enough to have a little help from her friends. Without the help of her trusty Secret Pal assistance crew, she would have been an utter failure at being Princess Laurie's secret pal. So huge mad thanks from her to them.

As for SarahJanet? As the month draws to an end, she's not quite sure what she'll do to fill up the time now that she isn't trying to think of ways to spoil the Princess, but she hopes that she and Princess Laurie will be friends forever and ever.